Monday, December 15, 2014

Gotcha!



I just had to post something positive for today and this is it, today is Lync's Gotcha Day, 1 year ago today I brought him home and he continues to Make Me HAPPY !!!

$$$$

You know I have read through my blog posts for the last year and more are negative then poisitve.  I try, really I do, to be a positive person, I used to be, now I just feel like a shell of who I used to be :(

We just can't catch a break it seems money wise.  2 nights ago on the way to work Brad's brake line broke in his car, he was ok, but it could have been really bad, Brad drives the highway to work, one hour each way.  He had to have his car towed back to town.

The mechanics called this morning, apparently the rear drums were leaking oil through the entire car and that compromised everything to the tune of $500 plus, I give up, really, I give up hope of ever being financially stable, of every having a stress free life for Brad and I, it's just not in the cards. Of course we don't have the money, we don't even have a credit card.  I had to phone my mom for the money, add it on the what I still owe her. 
Kort needs to go to the vet, I might have to cancel it, we will see.

I am worried sick about Brad, the stress of working so hard for nothing, if he has another episode and lands in the hospital , well lets just say it won't be good.
Can't even write about it anymore, it just makes me more depressed then I already am :(

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Mom Update

So my mom is still waiting for her bone marrow tests to come back, they should be ready in about a week.  I am very worried about her, she has had a second blood transfusion now as she has been confirmed with the Myelodysplastic Syndrome.  She was contacted by the Cancer clinic and they have asked her if she would participate in a relatively new drug trial.  It is a pill called Revlimid.  Apparently it works to slow down the progression of the disease and help prolong the life of the person taking it. It has some very serious side effects however so my mom is worried about taking it.
I am not going to lie, I am pretty much in denial, I refuse to even think of my mom passing away, I can't go there.

I have to really think about things next spring, do I want to go home and be with my mom for a longer time period?  I can drive there so I can bring the dogs, but I am not sure if that would be hard on my mom, having 2 more dogs in her small home, one being on the boisterous side.

Anyway, I am looking forward to seeing her when I fly home on the 29th


Sunday, December 7, 2014

Reflections

Tate, Christmas 2007, our first year in Lethbridge, and the last year he would be "an only child "
For the last 4 hours or so I have been gathering Christmas boxes full of ornaments and decorations. I have put lights out on the deck, and done some decorating around the house.  It is time consuming and exhausting for me, ever year I say I am not doing it next year, I am not getting a real tree, rather just a tiny artificial one, but every year I do the same thing.  I don't understand why.  After Christmas I have to do it all in reverse.  I have no kids, no one visits, I don't entertain, Brad really doesn't care for Christmas as as he was never brought up to celebrate it or to expect anything for except perhaps a pair of socks. 

So why year after year do I do it?  It actually makes me sad.  Pulling out ornaments, remembering Christmas when I was young.  Pulling out the ornaments that have the dogs pictures in them.  This year will be excruciating, I can't even stand the thought that Tate won't be here, never mind finding his ornaments :( 

It makes me wish that I had found Brad earlier, that we had had kids, the kids would be grown now and bringing over grandchildren, how fun would that be? 

Anyway, just doing some reflecting.  Yes I understand Christmas is about more then the decorations and all the glitz and presents, I know it was the day of Jesus birth, so don't get into that with me. 

I am just trying to figure myself out, and why I even bother .

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Waiting

Mom and my niece Sherri
Mom had her bone marrow test done yesterday, now we wait to see what the results have to say, we are all praying it isn't leukemia :(