Friday, July 18, 2014

3rd seizure

I am sitting here, numb, waiting for the vet to call.  Not my regular vet, shes on holidays :(

Brad woke me at 7 am saying Tate needed me, he was having his 3rd seizure, just 16 days after the last one, they are coming closer together.  I got an entire Valium into him and just waited, this one didn't seem as bad, by that I just mean there was less whining, I think due to the entire Valium.

I was ready, going to call the vet as soon as they opened and bring him in and help him cross over the bridge.  Then Brad says lets wait the weekend and see how it goes.

I am just a mess, so torn, I don't want Tate to go through this, I don't want to go through this, it hurts my heart.  But now I am thinking, well what if he could go on seizure medication, or more Valium everyday, would that help?  What if it isn't a brain tumour, am I being too quick to end things?  The longer the vet is taking to call me the more I am finding reasons not to do this.   For instance, he ate and enjoyed it. 

I managed to get him upstairs by myself, it was not pretty, he fought back and couldn't co ordinate his legs :(  Once outside he wandered a bit but then did go to the bathroom.  Getting him back in was another challenge, he appeared disorientated again, lacking in sight.  I grabbed the harness Wendy had borrowed me and was able to get him into the porch.  I tried to see if I could get him either up stairs or downs stairs, we live in a split, but there was no way, he has lost his depth perception, I think it is too soon after his seizure, his brain is still foggy. 

I sat with him in the porch again, put down his dog bed and some water and that is where he has been for a half hour, sleeping thankfully.

This sucks so bad, I want to scream but I need to hold it together for Tate, I am trying not to think of anything, however my life is at a standstill right now.  I don't want to move from the house until I know Tate is either going to be ok or not. 

I wish I had the answers....


Sharrie said...

Not knowing is horrible. Peace to both you and Tate.

Nancy said...

Making these decisions are not easy since they involve the heart. I've been there before. You'll know what is best. Prayers to both of you.