Sleep.........a totally unappreciated ability by so many. I would give anything for sleep, to be able to fall sleep, to stay asleep, to wake up refreshed instead of tired. I feel like I am being tortured, night after night after night.
It is an unseen problem therefore so hard for to people to understand when you make the statement, "I'm so tired" Most people are tired, just from everyday life, but I am seriously , 100% loosing my mind, tired!
Right now , at this moment, I want to cry. I have just tried to have a nap but my mind and body will not allow me to, when I start to drift off I jump, my mind will not shut down. Most likely as it is daytime.
I have been like this since I was in grade school. I would lay awake long after my sisters were asleep, long after my parents were asleep as well.
For example last night I went to bed at 11, I woke up twice before hearing Tate puking in the livingroom at 2am. After that I was awake again twice more, once at 5am , the other time I didn't look.
I don't look at the clock all the time, I've heard and read all the stuff on not looking at the time, turning your clock around, not watching tv before you go to sleep, I have tried all of it, nothing works. I've tried the natural stuff like melatonin that was hilarious, I probably could have taken the whole bottle, I even got a prescribed medication from my Dr and it did nothing at all.
The very worst thing for me is to wake up by an alarm, not waking naturally in the morning. I seriously could just cry, especially if it's been a rough night . The bathroom renovations have been killing me, having to wake at 7am, especially hard on the days the contractor doesn't show up.
My head feels heavy as do my eyes, I want to sleep so bad.
I had a test done a week ago, the one that checks the oxygen levels when you are sleeping, it checks to see if you have sleep apnea as well. I am still waiting for those results.
I do think it has something to do with responsibility on my part, at least right now. I find the best sleep I get is when I am at my moms without my dogs. I know they don't need me, I don't need to get up to feed them , or let them outside, but as a young child I didn't have that responsibility so that wasn't the problem then.
I do make an effort to not mention it to people, but when someone asks "how are you?" I want to respond "tired" but I don't feel I have a right to. I am not working right now, so I feel I have no right to complain about being tired, so I am writing it in my blog. I can complain here and no one can roll their eyes or think "how can she be tired, she doesn't even work?" Well at least I can't see you rolling your eyes lol
At any rate it is a serious problem for me, it takes me a long time to get moving, I seriously have to sit and just do nothing for a half hour every morning before I can start my day. Of course the dogs get to go out first, but after that .
I have decided that if I do go back to work it will never be a job where I have to leave in the morning, never ever ever again.
Work, that's a whole other blog post lol