Wednesday, April 23, 2014


Sleep.........a totally unappreciated ability by so many.  I would give anything for sleep, to be able to fall sleep, to stay asleep, to wake up refreshed instead of tired.  I feel like I am being tortured, night after night after night.

It is an unseen problem therefore so hard for to people to understand when you make the statement, "I'm so tired" Most people are tired, just from everyday life, but I am seriously , 100% loosing my mind, tired!

Right now , at this moment, I want to cry.  I have just tried to have a nap but my mind and body will not allow me to, when I start to drift off I jump, my mind will not shut down.  Most likely as it is daytime.

I have been like this since I was in grade school.  I would lay awake long after my sisters were asleep, long after my parents were asleep as well.

For example last night I went to bed at 11, I woke up twice before hearing Tate puking in the livingroom at 2am. After that I was awake again twice more, once at 5am , the other time I didn't look.
I don't look at the clock all the time, I've heard and read all the stuff on not looking at the time, turning your clock around, not watching tv before you go to sleep, I have tried all of it, nothing works. I've tried the natural stuff like melatonin that was hilarious, I probably could have taken the whole bottle, I even got a prescribed medication from my Dr and it did nothing at all.

The very worst thing for me is to wake up by an alarm, not waking naturally in the morning.  I seriously could just cry, especially if it's been a rough night . The bathroom renovations have been killing me, having to wake at 7am, especially hard on the days the contractor doesn't show up.
My head feels heavy as do my eyes, I want to sleep so bad.

I had a test done a week ago, the one that checks the oxygen levels when you are sleeping, it checks to see if you have sleep apnea as well.  I am still waiting for those results.

I do think it has something to do with responsibility on my part, at least right now.  I find the best sleep I get is when I am at my moms without my dogs.  I know they don't need me, I don't need to get up to feed them , or let them outside, but as a young child I didn't have that responsibility so that wasn't the problem then.

I do make an effort to not mention it to people, but when someone asks "how are you?"  I want to respond "tired" but I don't feel I have a right to.  I am not working right now, so I feel I have no right to complain about being tired, so I am writing it in my blog.  I can complain here and no one can roll their eyes or think "how can she be tired, she doesn't even work?"  Well at least I can't see you rolling your eyes lol

At any rate it is a serious problem for me, it takes me a long time to get moving, I seriously have to sit and just do nothing for a half hour every morning before I can start my day.  Of course the dogs get to go out first, but after that .

I have decided that if I do go back to work it will never be a job where I have to leave in the morning, never ever ever again.

Work, that's a whole other blog post lol


Sharrie said...

I understand that you are very frustrated that something so simple can be so complicated. Not sleeping is a scourge. I hope you can find some relief soon. It could make such a difference in your life.

Dawn said...

I'm visiting from Dog Dad's blog in Key West. I have trouble staying asleep too...many many nights I see all the hours go by. And I did the sleep test, and stayed awake listening to the guy in the next room snore. As my husband does. Makes me nuts, now I sleep in the guest room and it's a little better. I'm just a light sleeper. Plus stressed at work. Combination makes for short nights. I feel your pain. I hope you can figure it out soon!!

Squishy said...

I totally understand what you are talking about Jolene. I almost NEVER sleep more than 1 1/2 - 2 hours at a time and get up at least 6 times a night. I have been chronically fatigued for as long as I remember and many days, have been so tired to go out and feed horses was so hard to do. I've been so tired I've wanted to cry and that would be on a regular basis. About the only thing that will help me sleep thru the night, or most of the night is to ride 50-100 miles and then I may get 5-7 hours straight. So, that's a couple of times a year. Physical exertion is the key for me and lately I've been doing that so sleeping pretty good the last week or so. I feel for you.

Squishy said...

The other thing that helps me sleep is to have a fan on and the louder the better. If T & I travel in the RV, I am up all night listening to him snore because we usually don't have electrical hookup, hence no fan. I also worry about my dogs so I'll sleep better away from home without the responsibility here of everyone. If you haven't tried a fan, do that. Or, if you don't like the wind on you, try some sort of device that makes white noise. I like the wind. The colder the better!

Dianne SS said...

I hear you about the sleep deprivation and always being tired. The hyper- thyroidism really played havoc with my sleep--waking up after an hour of sleep, then not being able to sleep for hours. It's better with the thyroid medication and the homeopathic treatments. But still I am wakeful all too often. Because Duffy has those periodic bouts of IBD, and needs to go out urgently at 12, or 1, or 3 in the morning, my sleep gets broken up. And sometimes I think I hear that sharp yip he gives to let me know he's got to go, and I jump up to find that he's laying down, sleeping. So now I'm hearing his yip in my sleep!! Great!!
We have too much on our minds these days--too many worries. And if there's chronic pain too, that's not going to help. My back is usually hurting so much that I can't just roll over in bed--I have sit up and then turn over, and because of the thyroid meds, I get cramps and stitches at all kind of different places in my body--legs, thighs, back, sides, stomach. It's amazing we get as much done as we do!! I have to sleep with some kind of noise on too--otherwise I'd lie there all night listening to every sound, every breath everyone takes, every movement they make--hey that a Sting song!! :)I hope the sleep study might give you some answers and help.

onecollie said...

it does suck that we all have sleep troubles!!!!
I know a fan would help but I am afraid to use it as I worry I won't hear Tate needing to go out :( or sometimes now he gets stuck on the stairs, and he can't get up, so he whines and I have to go help him, so sad :(

Squishy said...

I would close him in your bedroom then Jolene so you can hear him. And you will if he's close by. I can even hear Parker in the living room with the fan on. You need your sleep, so it would be worth it to try.