Tues July 6, 2010, I got a phone call from my mom, dad wasn't doing well. I was home in Thunder Bay the next afternoon. By the time I arrived dad was pretty much in a coma, opening his eyes only occasionally, or moving his eyebrows in acknowledgement that he was hearing. That was just the beginning......from that time forward we didn't leave dad's side, taking shifts, eating meals in his room, staying late until midnight or after, before being assured it was ok to go home for a couple of hours of sleep.
One thing that touched me deeply was that EVERY day before each caregivers shift ended, & they were on there way home, they would come in & give dad a hug & a kiss, then go & hug my mom, or sometimes us kids. They were saying good bye, just in case.
Sun July 11 2010, mom & I decided we weren't leaving dad's side. I sat awake all night at his bedside holding his hand or rubbing his neck, mom did the same, except for the couple of hrs. she managed to fall asleep.
It was strange sitting there in the dark with dad, but I wasn't afraid. At one point I thought I saw him move his head toward me, I jumped up to look closer, but he was still in the same position, looking at the ceiling....wishful thinking I guess.
At 6 am the sun came up & the birds started chirping, I told dad it was for him :)) Mom left at 6:30 to go home for a shower, I stayed alone with dad. In that time alone I played all dad's favourite music & sang to him! Kris Kristofferson, Johnny Cash, Rodger Whittaker! I apologized to dad for my horrible voice, but he didn't mind :)) I finally got up enough courage to play "our" song, "The Wind Beneath My Wings", up until then I wouldn't let anyone put it on...I wasn't ready to say goodbye. I was now ready, I told him it was ok, he could go...
That same day, Mon. July 12, 2010, my sister Debra finally was able to make it into town, our family was now all together. The room was full of family, mom, us kids, grandchildren, dad's brother & sister.
At about 10pm. everyone left for the night, everyone except me, Debra & my sister in law Wendy. Mom knew dad's time was near but she had said her goodbyes, many many times....
The 3 of us sat around talking , laughing, holding dads hands....at one point we were distracted for a moment by a particularly funny conversation, & when we looked back dad wasn't breathing....it was 10:45 pm.
Debra ran for the nurse while I sat beside him, with his head in my hands, telling him it was ok, he still had a faint pulse, then he took a final breath of air & he was gone.
Dad died on his own terms, just like he had done everything else in his life, he waited 6 days for Debra to be there. We were told 4 times...yes, 4 times, that he was about to die....stubborn dad, fooled them all didn't you!
So now we go on, trying to get back into life & routine, it is hard. There is always a sadness lurking in my heart now, dad is always on my mind. I know it will take time, everything gets better with time, but god it is hard to loose a parent. If you still have yours, cherish them, life is short but good, enjoy it.
Dad's Birthday party this year...Thurs March 19, 2010, 81 years......
11 comments:
You have been on my mind so much this last week and a half. Your story sound a familiar to when I lost my mom and I so wish I could give you a hug. It is so wonderful to hear that Debra was able to get there that last day. Dianne and I were sure he was waiting to have everyone around him. Those things that make the passing a little easier, if there is such a thing. Remember, your dad is closer to you now than he's ever been. You and your family are in my heart.
oh Jo,
you were so strong for your dad. what a great person you are.
Sorry to read about your sad event. What you said about cherishing parents was very true. I miss mine so much. My thoughts are with all of you.
Sounds like these last few days have been very emotional for you in both good and bad ways as you were able to reconnect with family but at the same time deal with the loss of your father. Your blog post is so touching. I think in the future you'll read it and be thankful that you took the time to write it. Hugs.
Jo, I am so sorry for your loss. He sounded like a wonderful father. My heart goes out to you. Zacky sends his kisses and wiggles.
When I read your story, I thought of my mom too. And my Grandma a few years later. You wrote it so well, and touched on all of the things that mean so much, I think it is why we all relate. Sitting with your parent like that, and being there when someone dies, is a very meaningful thing, and it is good to let their spirit go in peace. Love makes it easier to sit there and it sounds like the room was filled with love. I remember not wanting to let go of my mom's hand. I also was very grateful to the hospice staff. We are all relating and forming a circle around you Jolene. That's what we do and it is also part of losing someone, to be comforted by your community - and we are your 'online' community. Lots of love and thanks for taking us with you on this journey.
With the loss of my mother so recent, I could relate to so much of your story. The biggest exception is that I sat alone with my mom day after day until that last day when Dave came back from Olds. You are indeed blessed to have a family that could be together and give each other strength and love through this. I cherished my friendships though and felt the love of friends through that sad time. We all feel your loss and sadness and Donna put it so well when she said that we are forming a circle around you. Thinking of you and caring about you always.
Jo what a great post about your Dad, thank you for sharing your story with everyone during this hard time. You have an amazing loving family.
Sorry for you loss. Im glad your family was able to be together. Diana
Jo what a lovely tribute to your Dad, I am glad you were able to make it home to say your goodbyes.
Julia
A very touching tribute to your Dad. I am glad for you that you made it home to be able to say your goodbyes and that your Dad was surrounded with family and love during his final days.
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