Wednesday, October 15, 2014


I feel like screaming, every second of everyday!   I have been fighting this for at least 2 months, told my Dr about it last month and I am waiting to see another Dr/Phycologist at the end of this month.  

I call it anxiety, but I don't know if that's what it is, it is all consuming and upseting.  I don't even know how to describe what it feels like.  It's a gnawing below my breastbone, like you feel when you are scared.  It's like I am on edge , on constant alert.
I want to cry it is so bad.  For the most part I fight it, I occupy my mind so I have no time to think  about it, I walk, alot, like all the time, if I am not walking I am reading, driving, singing, whatever it takes to stop it.  
Today I have decided to write about it while it is happening.  I just soaked in the tub for an hour, I seemed ok, then bamn it hits me when I get out.  I really can't take much more of it, I am afraid I'll go crazy.
I am so good at putting on a happy face,   but sometimes I can't.  So my friends that are reading this, sometimes I just can't do stuff, I want to , but I can't , be patient, I'm working on it.

Speaking of working on it.  I have been researching Essential Oils to use on myself and the dogs.  I have just started with wintergreen and lemongrass for Kort, I have Frankincense coming for Tate when he has his seizures, and lavender for myself for anxiety and insomnia.  If I notice they help I am going to look into selling them myself, I hope they help.

Well that's it, another installment in the secret life of Jolene :)


Aleks W. said...

Hi Jolene,
I love your blog and have been following it for a while. I'm not one to comment normally, but felt like I could offer some sort of information to help.
I've been using essential oils for some time for both myself and the dogs and have been amazed at how well they work. I use lavender before I go to bed to help me sleep and relax. Cedarwood to help ground myself (and dogs) so that I/she can deal with what ever might be going on, this helps your mind settle enough so that it can start thinking. Also, I've found that Rosemary has been really helpful. More as something to bring my thoughts together.
I also have used BACH essences. A few drops on the back of the tongue or mixed in a glass of water have a strong effect for some. Rescue remedy or Aspen would be the one I would think help you the most. (
Good luck and I hope you can find some peace.

onecollie said...

Aleks, thank you!! It is great to hear of someone who the oils have worked for!!

Jenny Glen said...

You have alot of things stressing you out right now and maybe some PTSD from the accident? Hang in there. I know how difficult anxiety can be. What I try to do is isolate the trigger and decide if it's really worth worrying about at that moment. It helps a little. I hope the herbs help you too.

Squishy said...

My vet uses oils and swears by them. She's even stopped migraines which shocks me because I need drugs and natural supplements have not helped. Maybe you need to just be quiet and find out what is bothering you rather than constantly trying to ignore it by being busy. Writing in a journal (and not on the blog) may be a start, so you don't have to worry what others think about what you share. I have had to take to writing in my journal again because I can't get relief shit here.

Anonymous said...

I know exactly what you are going thru, I have been dealing with is for some time. I'm getting thru most of it with the help of a great therapist. Friends are great, but there is something to be said for being in a safe place talking to some one who isn't there to judge and know that it won't leave that room. The journal idea is also very good, I've done it and it helps a ton!

manymuddypaws said...

I agree with Diana about writing it down. And so you don't have to worry about what anyone else thinks or what replies you might get- use a private blog. You know that I have one. You can password protect it and everything.

Writing soothes my soul. It's really the only relief I have. I am not as good about sharing as you are. ;)

Hang tough Jo. One step a time. It's all we can ever do.

onecollie said...

Amanda, writing helps me as well, and trust me, nothing goes on this blog that I don't want people to hear, there is much much more dark stuff that I don't write on here, I have actually picked up a book to write in, tried to start a new blog yesterday but got frustrated at it kept refusing my domain name , ugh
Thanks though!

Dianne SS said...

I do really hope the essentials oils will help. Writing in a good old fashioned journal or diary is an excellent option. Perhaps writing things down just for your own concumption will be helpful--you can read it over and sort out things. As you know I'm dealing with a lot of very similar things, although some stemming from different causes and homeopathy has been helping me greatly with taking me from being totally overwhelmed, angry, crying all the time, etc. to a better, positive attitude--most of the time. And meanwhile, we are also dealing with all my physical ailments.It's a long process, because all the damage has been done over a long period of time and I do get frustrated when symptoms reoccur or we can't seem to put somethings on the run. But overall I trust in the process, and trust in the treatment. I have seen many improvements in myself and my dogs. If you are at all interested, we can communicate privately. Always know that I love you and want you to be well and happy. xoxo

Dianne SS said...

That should be 'consumption'!