November will be 2 years since I have worked , amazing how fast the 2 years went. The first year was a blur, the pain and everything.
I actually did find a perfect part time job, at a grooming shop , bathing dogs only, but after a week where I only had 2 days of work, they stopped calling, kept saying not enough dogs, so I quit. I am not wasting my time if I can find a more regular part time job. First time I have ever quit a job! lol, and that is in 35 years of working!
This year I have spent doing more stuff with the dogs, having more time with Brad on his days off ,which is awesome. With the travel time and his 12 hour shifts he is gone 14 hours a day, then sleeps for the next 2 days when he gets off work.
It has been a bit hectic having the 3rd dog again, especially as he is a puppy and not an old man like Tate was. I have basically 2 puppies as Lync is just coming up on 2 years at the end of this month.
I am taking obedience classes with Ash and Lync, so Ash is from 6:15 to 7:15 then right after is Lync at 7:30 to 8:30. I find it really hard , especially when it is roasting hot out like it has been. I can't tolerate the heat very well, it makes me feel sick, last week I skipped Lyncs class.
Ash is a screamer in his crate, so I hear him screaming in the front of the area while I am working Lync, it bothers me, I cant put him in the van as its too hot. Next time I will do separate classes for them.
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| Canada Day 2015 |
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I also am afraid to let Ash off leash in an unprotected area. He is not a very good listener and will ignore me when I call him, we are working on that too. Lync has an amazing recall but lately I have been worried about letting him off leash as well, especially after the deer chasing incident, he ignored me totally, so I am afraid he will again if he wants something bad enough. Mostly it is just too damn hot to take them anywhere but the lake, which is perfect except for the 40 minute drive there and back so I only go about 3 times a week.
This all gives me tremendous guilt which in turn gives me huge anxiety, which brings me to my next announcement, I finally got in to see a psychiatrist!! A woman who is just taking on new patients, I am really excited, I have seen her once last month and she changed all my meds, I cant say I feel a lot different but I do seem to have more days of laughing then crying since I changed them. I see her again in a few days. While there she made me promise to also go to Alberta Mental Health and see someone there as well. A person I can talk to about everything , including the grief I have and the worry over my sister Joanne as her Cancer is spreading throughout her entire body now and she is going through chemo again. I cant even remember how many she has gone through now, there has been so many since her diagnosis in 2011.
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| Sisters ~ at Joanne's Wedding !! |
So going back to my grief , I did go to Mental Health and saw a really nice Social worker. I will be going to a grief support group when they start up in September, I think it will be a great idea for me to talk about things.
Moms birthday is coming up on the 2nd of September, I am already dreading it. It will be a tough day.
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| Debra and Lync when he was 4 weeks old |
Now for a change of topic, July 12 was 5 years that my dad passed away, I forgot , I feel bad, I would have at least acknowledged him, I miss him. It's different from missing from my mom, I don't cry when I think of my dad, I loved him but not like I loved my mom, it's two different kind of loves that you have for your mom and dad, at least for me it is.
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| Dad |
2 comments:
Keep you head up and stay pawsitive. Easy to say, hard to do.
We are excited here. While we know which pup we would like to come home with us, we are waiting to hear about the eye exams.
Sherman & Dog Dad
I am really glad that you sought some professional help--it can be really good to see and talk to people who are neutral and there to listen and provide direction and be a safe place to talk. We are always told to talk about our problems, to get it out--but sometimes, when we do just that, we get attacked or judged. I know that I am still resentful about the way I was treated a couple of years ago when everything went bad for me in one year--where I was judged because I made some comments on my blog or the choices I did. Please don't beat yourself up about what you can't do or think you should be doing, whether with your dogs or for yourself. You are doing the best you can and probably way more than you should a lot of days! No one else is living our life and really knowing what are feeling and how we are feeling. Things happen in life that we didn't expect or plan for and even if we expected them, it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. It also doesn't help when people are judgemental. Being ill, getting older, dealing with family crises--all these things are difficult. I'd tell people in their 50's to enjoy that time because when you get into your 60's it's going to be harder!! There's something to look forward too--hahaha!! You're taking good steps, you're trying to find ways to help yourself, and that's great. Losing one's mom is devastating and the first year will be the hardest. But I can't imagine the additional stress and sadness of having a sister with cancer. You always have my support and my love, my friend((HUGS))
PS I can't believe Debra with be 50!! That will be so great for you to come up here and see her!!
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