New Years Eve

Good and bad as always to ring out the previous year.  2015 will always be the year my mom passed away and the year Joanne's cancer took a turn for the worst.
Of course there was good in the year, Ash came home to live, and I got a job which I am looking forward to starting in the New Year. It's been rough living on one income and thank God I have family members that are able to help when things get too bad.  We couldn't have survived otherwise. 
2015 is also the year Lync was bred and hopefully 2016 means the pitter patter of puppy dog paws :)
My wish for 2016 is they find a cure for Cancer, the nasty life sucking disease that I hate with all my heart.
I hope my friends and family remain healthy and happy.
To you and yours, Happy New Year!

Christmas 2015

All I could manage for a tree this year

Merry Christmas everyone.
I say it but I don't really *feel* it you know.  It's hard when your husband is working all night long, then sleeping all day long to get into the spirit.  He woke up long enough to have supper with me then back to bed, so I have spent Christmas Eve , Christmas Day and Night alone .  Then there is the fact that I am missing my mom something horrible :(  I just want to call her and see her and talk to her again.  Most days I am doing fine but then the grief takes its hold and I am a mess.  It feels like I will never get over her not being here to guide me and help me. It's like I have lost a portion of myself way deep down , down where it hurts so bad I could scream.
But, life goes on, like it or not, I will get through it, the good and the bad.
I hope 2016 is better then 2015.

F*** Cancer

The bravest person I know

Thinking of my sister Joanne as Christmas draws closer.  She has been hospitalized for the 4th time in a few months, in all likelihood she will not be out for Christmas.  She continues to be in excruciating pain and I feel so helpless.  Her Cancer has spread to pretty much everywhere. I wish I never left Thunder Bay now, that I was still there to hold her hand while she goes through this.  She has her wife and my brother and sister in law but I know she would love to have her two sisters as well :(
I am scared , more scared then I've ever been for her, the Cancer is winning.  If you could say a prayer for her I would be grateful, she needs all the help she can get right now.

End of a Chapter

The beautiful weathered door to my moms house

Today my moms house gets a new family.  I have only ever known this house.  It has been in the family well before I was ever born, my Baba bought it, then my Uncle John took it over, then my mom.  We did think of keeping it in the family but it just wasn't meant to be.  If I was still in Thunder Bay I would have taken it over, but I cant keep wishing for things that can never happen.
I am so sad but at the same time glad it is going to be over soon.  It has been such a long 6 months for my sister in law Wendy , brother Brian and sister Joanne.  They have been working so hard to clean out the house and prepare it for sale.  I have the easy job even though my heart has been with my family as they went through the hard job of cleaning out the house.  Even Debra drove down and helped do some of the cleaning out.
Sometimes I think I will scream it hurts so bad. I know my mom would be proud of us all for doing what we thought was the best for us all, and as promised mom we have gone through the entire process without an argument.  This is one thing my mom made us promise before she passed away, that we would all get along and have no petty fights like so many families do under the pressure of losing a loved one.
Rest in peace mom, we are going to be just fine xoxo 

Moms pink house, her favourite colour

New Job!

After months of looking I finally found a job!!  I start in January and it is at the Superstore bakery!  I'm not baking but rather doing bagging and setting up first thing in the morning.  It shouldn't be too hard for me to wake up at 4 am lol, at least I am hoping it wont be!  I work till about 11 or on some days until 3, I hope I dont have too many shifts at 3 as it will be hard on the dogs at first.  The dogs have only known me to be home since 2013!  The fun thing is that in awhile after I have worked I will be trained to decorate cakes, how fun is that!?
I am also nervous as I haven't worked in so long but I have confidence in my ability to learn new things.
So here's to a great beginning to 2016!!

Christmas Ornament

Last night was our last breavement group and we got to make a memorial ornamnet for our loved one that has passed away.  I enjoyed creating something with mom in mind and I hope she likes it :)
Mine has 2 stones in it, one the teardrop that I got when it was my night to talk about mom, the other is a rose one that I chose as that is moms favourite flower.  Mackenzie made some beads and I  chose a heart shaped one to also put inside.
I am going to miss going to the group every Tuesday night but now I have some tools to help me deal with my grief.

Lync's Gotcha Day

Lync came into our lives 2 years ago today, enjoy the video ......

Whos your daddy?

Autumn

Beautiful Autumn

Lync is going to be a daddy, I hope!  We have been waiting since September for his girlfriend to come into season and she finally did 2 days ago.  That means her owner has to make the drive here from BC and be here near Christmas.  We are hoping to do the breedings and she can head home Christmas day.  I am so excited , I have never owned a dog that has had a litter.  Two of my collies were used, Drake and Tate but they never produced so fingers crossed for lots of Flatcoat babies in the New Year !

Job hunting

Lately I've been looking for a part time job, it is not fun or easy!  I wish so many times for my accident to not have happened and that I still worked at my old job but that is not to be.
Mostly I am looking due to boredom, the days are all the same and there is only so much you can do.  I actually sent in a resume to a grooming job and I hate grooming even though I did it for 30 years, duh!   In a perfect world I would find a nice part time job, something dog related.  I would love to work in a vet clinic, just helping out behind the scenes.  fingers crossed something comes up for me in the New Year!

This years Christmas tree

This year I decided not to go to the effort of putting up a full sized tree, for one I just wasn't feeling it, this year just doesn't feel like years past, most of it has to do with loosing mom and the fact she wont be here for Christmas,  it's just so hard when the center of your world and the glue for the entire family is no longer here , I am incredibly sad. The other reason is the dogs, mostly Ash, but our house is quite small and I just worried that the tree would topple over when the three of them were wrestling in the livingroom together.
I put up the teeny tree that I bought 2 years ago when I had my car accident, it is decorated with hand made ornaments that I made plus ornaments of moms that graced her tree for many years as far back as I can remember.  There are 2 new ornaments on it, one being a football for Brad and a Collie for me, that's it.  Hopefully next year we will have more Christmas spirit and a full tree will be put up once again.

Group

For the last eight weeks I have been attending a grief group at the Family Services.  It is a small group of just 4 and next week is our last night.  I am going to miss going there!
The group has focused on giving us tools to deal with our grief once we leave.  For the first time last night I couldn't do the exercise.  They wanted us to imagine our loved one coming toward us and presenting us with a gift, then after the loved one would leave.  There was no way I could do it, it felt as if I would be loosing my mom all over again, then after we were to mold our gift in the clay they provided.  I ended up molding a pink cloud, moms favourite colour, and a sign for peace on it.  I like to imagine mom is at peace finally, happy to be reunited with her loved ones.
Next week we are making a Christmas ornament in memory of our loved one.  I am looking forward to it and already have some ideas of what I'm going to put in it, and on it.

Sold

Mom and Dad

Well its finally almost over, all the work and tears, my moms house finally sold yesterday.  I have mixed feelings about it, I am glad it has sold, that my family can finally move forward and not have to worry about it anymore, but the other part of me is very sad and hates that it even had to be sold, that it couldn't just stay in the family.
My Baba bought that house before I was born, when she died my Uncle John kept it, when he died my mom bought it.  It has seen alot that house, good times and bad times.
I hope the lady who bought it enjoys it and is surrounded by all the good memories the house has.

Mom and Bessie

All Gone !

Hurray, yesterday was the last day I heard any coughing from Ash so all 3 dogs are now cough free!!  That doesn't mean they are not contagious however, so 2 weeks from today my life can be back to normal with the dogs, back to classes will be awesome, I miss them and it gives me something to do at night and keeps their minds working and boredom free too.

Kennel Cough Day 11

Well the kennel cough is still present in my house, Lync has gotten over it and I havent heard him cough in a few days now, Kort will cough once in a blue moon if he gets really excited or barks for a long time, Ash is still coughing but he also started to cough 3 days after the other two. 
It will still be 2 weeks minimum before the dogs can go anywhere other dogs might meet up with them, as they are still considered contagious. 
Some of my friends dogs are still coming down with it even now so this nasty virus is making sure it hits everyone!
Ash is still eating and playing normally which is good as his cough does seem a bit worse then what the other 2 had.  I am thankful it is not as bad as Lync got though with all his vomiting on the first day, that was horrible!!
Hopefully it will just be a couple more days for Ash and we can get back to out normal walking routine!  The dogs will be so happy I cant wait!!